Engineering Pick-up Lines
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3 * I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
* You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
* Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.
* My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
* Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
* Wanna come back to my room? …and see my 1000 Mhz Pentium VII?
* How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
* You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.
* You’re sweeter than glucose.
* We’re as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.
* Why don’t we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and me?
* Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?
* Your body has the nicest arc length I’ve ever seen.
* Isn’t your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com
* You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!
This joke was submitted by vijay.
Why Engineers Make the Best Lovers
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010. - The world does revolve around us… we choose the coordinate system.
9. - No “couple” enjoy a better “moment”.
8. - We know how to handle stress and strain in a relationship.
7. - We have significant figures.
6. - EK301: The motion of rigid bodies.
5. - Projectile motion: Do we need to say more?
4. - Engineers do it to specification.
3. - According to Newton, if two bodies interact, their forces are equal and opposite.
2. - We know it’s not the length of the vector that counts, but how you apply the force.
1. - WE KNOW THE RIGHT HAND RULE!
This joke was submitted by vijay.
An Engineer in Hell
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0An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, “Ah, you’re an engineer; you’re in the wrong place.”
So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.
One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”
Satan laughed and replied, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
God’s face clouded over and he exploded, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”
Satan shook his head, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”
God was as mad as he had ever been, “This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughed uproariously, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
This joke was submitted by vijay.
Working Team
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0A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man below says, “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude.”
“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.
“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”
The man below says, “You must be a manager.”
“I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”
This joke was submitted by vijay.