All I Want Is A Beer
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0It was hot and dry and dusty. To make matters ten times worse there was a beer shortage. A rep walked into a bar and ordered a beer.
“Are you an RC?”
“What difference does religion make? All I want is a beer.”
“What I meant was, are you a regular customer?”
The rep admitted that he wasn’t and walked down the street to another pub. Once in the bar he said to the girl:
“I’m an RC, and I want a couple of beers.”
“I don’t care about your religion, but where are your glasses?”
“I don’t wear them.”
The girl was exasperated.
“Beer glasses, mate. Ours were all busted last night in a brawl.”
There was one pub left in the town. When he walked into the bar he spotted two glasses on the window sill. He grabbed them and took them to the bar. The barmaid looked at them.
“What are you trying to do? You’ve had your quota.”
This joke was submitted by ravinder.
Air Sickness
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0A rep was flying to a sales conference. It was his first experience in an aircraft, so he was a little nervous, but he tried not to let it show. He was very taken with the air hostess, and particularly flattered when she invited him to sit down the back with her. He asked her:
“Do many passengers get airsick?”
“Not many,” she replied. “We usually spot them in advance and give them some sweets to suck.”
“What if that doesn’t work?”
“Oh, maybe we put a blanket over them, or even give them some oxygen.”
“What if it still doesn’t work?”
“Oh, then I bring them down the back to sit with me.”
This joke was submitted by ravinder.
A Lot Of Soap
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0Finnegan returned to his old home town on a visit. While he was there he looked up his old friend Hennessy, who had the general store. He noticed as he went in that the two display windows were jammed full of soap. The two old friends greeted one another. As they did so, Finnegan saw that every shelf in the store was stacked with soap.
“Gosh! You’ve certainly got a lot of soap.”
“You think so? Look at this.”
He took Finnegan through to the storeroom which was also full of soap.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much soap.”
“Come with me.”
Hennessy lifted a trapdoor and took him down some steps into a huge cellar, which was jammed with soap from the floor to the roof.
“Gee! You really must sell a lot of soap.”
“No, I don’t actually. But the fellow that sold it to me— boy, could he sell soap!”
This joke was submitted by ravinder.
A Stranger
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0Moving along a dimly lighted street, a friend of ours was suddenly approached by a stranger who had slipped from the shadows nearby.
‘Please, sir,’ asked the stranger, ‘would you be so kind as to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and out of work? All I have in the world is this gun.’
This joke was submitted by ravinder.
Best To Shoot Once
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0Beauregard discovered his wife in the arms of her lover. Mad with rage, he shot her dead. The southern jury brought in a verdict of justifiable homicide.
Just as Beauregard was about to leave the courtroom a free man, the judge stopped him and asked, ‘Why did you shoot your wife instead of her lover?’
‘Suh’, he replied, ‘I decided it was better to shoot a woman once than a different man each week.”
This joke was submitted by ravinder.
Australians Giving Directions
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0Asking for directions in the Australian outback is often a chancy business. There was the rep who asked a salesman for directions to Goombungee.
“Take this road here for about two kilometers and turn left at the hollow log. You keep going for about three more kilometers and you’ll come to Riley’s dam. Turn left again. About four kilometres down the track you’ll come to a big sign advertising sheep dip. Turn left there and keep going.”
“And that’ll get me to Goombungee, will it?” “No. It’ll get you back here. If I give you all the directions at once it’ll only confuse you.”
This joke was submitted by ravinder.
Discouraged
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0A man went into a sporting goods shop. “You know all that expensive fishing tackle you sold me when I was in here last time?”
“Yes sir.”
“You know you told me it was well worth all the extra money because of all the fish I was going to catch with it?”
“Yes.”
“Well, would you mind telling me again? I’m getting discouraged.”
This joke was submitted by ravinder.
A Telephone Salesman
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0A salesman telephoned a household, and a four-year-old boy answered. The conversation went thus:
Salesman: May I speak to your mother?
Boy: She’s not here.
Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?
Boy: My sister.
Salesman: O.K., fine. May I speak to her?
Boy: I guess so.
At this point there was a very long silence on the phone. Then:
Boy: Hello?
Salesman: It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister.
Boy: I did. The trouble is, I can’t get her out of the playpen.
This joke was submitted by ravinder.
Charity
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0Despite warnings from his guide, an American skiing in Switzerland got separated from his group and fell—uninjured— into a deep crevasse. Several hours later, a rescue party found the yawning pit, and to reassure the stranded skier, shouted down to him, ‘We’re from the Red Cross!”
‘Sorry,’ the imperturbable American echoed back, ‘I already gave at the office!’
This joke was submitted by ravinder.
Dogs Don’t Like It
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0The entire North American sales force of Frisky Dog Food was gathered together for their national sales convention at Miami Beach. In the great auditorium the marketing director was giving a performance that any revivalist would have been proud of. Using the old pattern of call and response, he was really working up the spirits of his sales team.
“Who’s got the greatest dog food in North America?”
“We have!”
“And who’s got the greatest advertising campaigns?”
“We have!”
“Who’s got the most attractive packages?”
“We have!”
“Who’s got the biggest distribution?”
“WE HAVE!”
“Okay. So why aren’t we selling more of the product?”
One bold voice from the crowd replied:
“Because the damned dogs don’t like it.”
This joke was submitted by ravinder.